Fire Fighters: Cures for Anger

                                                          

Bismillah.   

This post will be based on what I learned from shaykh muhammad ibn al faqih. Insha Allah when I get time I’m going to do a post on birr al waalidayn as well. These were the two topics the shaykh discussed, which i benefitted the most from.

When talking about cures for anger, it’s important to think about why we get angry in the first place. 

A lot of the time, people get angry because they lose control of a situation. Anger is their attempt to regain control, but in actuality, does not help at all. It actually makes it worse because when a person is angry, he has shown weakness. He puts himself at a disadvantage  both in dealing with people (in a debate, for example), and also in dealing with shaitan. He becomes a much weaker prey for shaitan. This is why our beloved Prophet saws said, “The strong is not the one who is physically powerful, but indeed, the one who controls himself when angry.”

If anger is a problem for you, it may be helpful for you to write down all the times that you can remember that you got angry…then look for a common factor that made you angry, or rather made you act on your anger. Feeling anger is normal, and the act of being angry is not in and of itself necessarily sinful. It’s what you do with that anger that makes it a problem. And while we’re on the subject, there’s an amazing lecture (As always mA) by brother nouman about the characteristics of the people of jannah, as taken from verses in Suratal ‘Imraan. One of them is that they swallow their anger. Brother Nouman analyzes why the word ’swallow’ is used, and not ‘control’, etc. When we are eating something, and let’s say someone is coming, and we don’t want them to know we were eating, so we quickly swallow the food.. will the person know we were eating? No, right? If there are no signs, like chewing, etc, the person will not even suspect that we were eating. So in the same way, Allah swt tells us that the people who shall enter jannah swallow their anger, or make it completely go away…to the point where the people around them do not even suspect that the person is angry. SubhanAllah. Usually, when someone is angry, and they’re trying to control themselves, you’ll see them shaking, or turning red, or holding themselves back. And then someone will go and ask them if they’re ok. So the best thing to do, is when you feel anger coming up from inside you, quickly swallow  it and make it disappear. Of course it won’t be that easy, but if you make it your habit, it will become easier and easier to do. And it’s important to note that Allah swt tells us that the people of jannah swallow their anger, not that they don’t have anger. 

So what will motivate you to swallow your anger? Maybe the knowledge of how disgusting it is. Maybe the desire to appear strong and not weak.  Maybe to stop hurting people. etc  But you have to ask yourself this question: WHY do I want to swallow my anger? WHY do I want to rid myself of this?  Giving yourself a sufficient answer to this question will be your motivation when you’re falling weak. For example (the analogy shaykh muhammad gave us), if there was an I-beam on the ground (like 6 inches off the floor), and someone gave you money to walk across it, would you? (answer this question for yourself.)

You probably would, since it’s not dangerous/risky, and you’re getting paid for it, so why not?

Now what if someone put that I-beam across the top of two buildings, and asked you to cross it, would you? (answer these.)

What if he gave you a million dollars, then  would you?

What about a trillion dollars?

Ok. Now what if someone took your mother or your son, and told you they would throw him/her off the building if you didn’t walk across? Then would you?

Most people would not accept a trillion dollars to do it. They would rather not risk their life. But when it comes to saving the life of someone you love more than yourself, most people WOULD cross the I-beam. So the REASON you’re doing something, your motivation for it, is REALLY important in making you go through with something. So while the above answers for why you want to control anger may be good, find out what the best answer is for YOU. Which answer will keep you there: Is it jannah? Reward from Allah swt? Allah swt’s pleasure? Fear of His punishment? etc etc. And the amount of effort you put into achieving this goal will be a reflection of how much you care about the REASON you chose for even wanting to have this goal. Brother Nouman gave another analogy once, about the Qur’an, but it can be applied to anything. He said if he put a quarter in the ground, and told you, “hey, listen! there’s a quarter in there! Here’s a shovel!”, you would probably roll your eyes, and not even touch that shovel. However, if he put a billion dollars in the ground, and then handed you the shovel, you would probably greedily and happily dig into the ground, even if it took days. So your effort is a reflection of what something means to you. [sidenote:When he said this, he was talking about how when we ignore the Qur'an or let it gather dust on our shelves, it is a reflection that Allah and Allah's words and guidance are not important to us. If we really understood the value of the Qur'an, we would not let it go. We would spend all of our time reading it, understanding it, benefitting from it.]

Ok. So what to do when anger arrives:

Seek refuge in Allah from the accursed shaitan. However, this does not mean saying “Aaoodhobillah” quickly and without reflection will help. It is important to know and understand exactly what you’re doing. You saying “Aaoodhobillahiminashshaitanirrajeem” in the first place is a reflection that you understand that this anger is coming from shaitan, and you need Allah swt’s help to rid yourself of shaitan. Ask Allah for protection with humility and with the understanding that only He swt can help you.

Make wudu. Anger comes from shaitan. Shaitan is made of fire. Water extinguishes fire, and thus wudu will help. Wudu will also help you take your mind off things for a minute, and calm down.

Stay silent. The Prophet saws said, “If any of you becomes angry, then let him stay quiet.” You opening your mouth at this moment is a bad idea. Your anger may cause you to violate one of the rights of the person who made you angry. Your anger in and of itself will probably not be held against you on the Day of Judgment. Your WORDS or actions said/done in anger probably will. Fear Allah and hope in His reward for swallowing your anger.

Change your physical setting. If you are angry and standing, sit down. If you are already sitting, lay down.

This is because it is our natural disposition to do the opposite. If we are sitting and get angry, we naturally want to jump up and make a scene. If we are laying down, we naturally want to sit up. So fight that urge and do the opposite. Don’t give shaitan energy to feed off of.

Befriend those that are better than you in this regard. If you’re always hanging out with people who are excited and impatient, and hot-tempered, chances are, you too will be this way. If you’re with calm, cool-headed people who do not let their anger overtake them, you will feel silly and embarassed in front of them if you ever want to behave in a silly manner when angry. This will then turn into your habit and you will become like them.

Leave the setting one is in when he becomes angry.

Know the effects of anger on one’s health. Try googling it. You’ll find a wide range of diseases and illnesses that can be the result of anger problems. And realize that just like Allah swt has rights we must fulfill, and our fellow beings have rights we must fulfill, we also have rights upon ourselves. We shouldn’t do damage to ourselves with our own hands.

Practice Sabr. It is usually the lack of this essential trait that allows people to get angry and show their anger. The literal meaning of sabr is to restrain, hold back, or pin down. A prisoner is often called “sabran”, as he is held/pinned down.

“…only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning.” Az-Zumr:10

“Without reckoning”, or “bighayri hisaab”, can either mean “without limit” or  “without questioning”.

If it means “without questioning”, one possible reason that Allah swt may save them from being questioned is that they never questioned Allah swt or qadr.

May Allah swt help us all to swallow our anger and be among the people of the highest level of jannah. Ameen!

Take it one day at a time. Try to not get angry, or to swallow your anger, for just one day. Then increase it to two days. Then three. They say it takes 21 days to make something your habit (some say 4o days). So if you can do it for that long (and you CAN!! if it has any value to you), insha Allah it will be so much easier after that because having a cool and calm personality will be your habit, a part of you! Insha Allah

“Obstacles are things you see only when you take your eye off your target.”